Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
