I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
