a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
