3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
