How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
