My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
