somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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