You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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