Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
