I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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