Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
