the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
