I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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