This is not my ceiling
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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