roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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