I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
