Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My pussy is not your playground.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
