Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
