worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He kissed a someone with a penis
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
