I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
