her vagina looked like bernie madoff
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
