I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
