Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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