Quick, to the slutcave!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
