Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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