Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize