i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
