the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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