im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
