I CAN MOONWALK!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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