I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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