Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
