Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's the barista slut.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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