Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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