this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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