Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
