There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
