ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
