mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize