I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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