There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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