had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
