I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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