Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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