he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
