She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
