She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
