No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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