I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize