You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
