I got chris browned last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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