if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
