I hate your face
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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