I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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