So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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