Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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