So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do herpes really smell.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize