Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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