I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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