this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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