Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
