Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
