You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
