I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
