I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, beer. Big fan.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
