He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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