Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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