So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
