somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
