I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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