I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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