He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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