Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
