maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize