the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
