I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize