Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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