dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
