i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
