i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
