I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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