He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
