I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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