Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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