I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
