He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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