Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
