Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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