I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize