come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
