Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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